Broken Forever Read online

  Ten

  Tommy

  My driver pulls into the driveway. I look at Robyn, who is staring out the window at my house in awe. Since she’s from San Antonio, Florida, I’m pretty sure she has only seen this kind of house on TV. I’m not even sure why I ever bought something so extravagant. For the most part, this is the party house.

  I help Robyn out of the SUV and up the steps into the huge mansion. It takes a few minutes to get her settled into her bedroom. She’s picked the one across from mine. I’ve never really come into the other bedrooms. Rich took care of all this back when he first invested money for me and turned me into the millionaire I am today. I still make money from my albums and appearances here and there, but nothing like I used to.

  I walk out of the bedroom into the hall and grab my phone to call Rich.

  “Hey, Tommy,” he greets me

  “Get me a housekeeper. One that cooks, cleans—ya know, one who takes care of the house on a daily basis.”

  “You want a blonde, brunette, or redhead?” he chuckles.

  “Do you always have to be a dick, man?” I swear, I kick myself sometimes for not firing his stupid ass. The only reason I kept him around when all his other clients kicked his ass to the curb was because I felt sorry for the dumb son of a bitch. Plus, he manages my money pretty damn well and keeps my bank account bursting at the seams now that I am semiretired from the rocker business. But he gets more annoying with each passing day.

  “I have a houseguest for the foreseeable future, and I would like an older female, a motherly type, to manage my house. Do I need to give you any more specifics?” I huff into the phone.

  “I got it, man. I’ll get someone hired right away.”

  “Thanks.” I hit end on my phone and head downstairs to the kitchen.

  I pull a bottle of white out of the wine fridge. I have been cutting back on the bourbon since I met Robyn. She had to spend a week in the hospital recovering from her injuries. I stayed with her during the day, but as soon as the night nurse came in to dispense her medication, I would leave.

  She has agreed to stay with me until she has fully recovered. It took a lot of persuasion on my part. She kept saying she didn’t want to burden me. Finally, after a couple days of insisting I wanted her here, she gave in.

  We haven’t talked much about her parents or Maddie. We’ve just been getting to know each other. I told her some of the milder stories of my heavy touring days, places I’ve been and things I’ve seen. She told me about getting her MBA from Saint Leo University.

  Then it hits me. Here is my opportunity to fire Rich and hire Robyn. Then she’ll have to stay around. I rub my hand through my hair then take a sip of my wine.

  This will work. I’ll make her an offer she can’t refuse.

  I walk back upstairs and enter her bedroom. I find myself taken aback by how much she resembles Maddie…still. She doesn’t act like Maddie, though. She has a self-confidence Maddie never possessed.

  She wears her hair a little shorter than Maddie did, with some blond highlights added in that Maddie didn’t have.

  “I brought you some water,” I announce as I hand it to her. She is perched in the bay window, looking outside.

  “Thank you,” she responds with a sweet smile.

  “I’ve asked Rich to hire a housekeeper. I’m not much of a cook, but I could order us some takeout.”

  “You really didn’t have to hire—”

  “I’ve needed a housekeeper for some time.”

  “If you say so.” She shrugs. “I’d love some Thai food, if that’s good with you.”

  I pull out my phone and look up the menu of the closest Thai restaurant and hand it to her.

  “Do you want me to place the order?” I ask as she looks over the menu.

  “I’m not helpless, Tommy. I even actually have my own phone in my purse.”

  “I don’t think you’re helpless,” I retort.

  I truly don’t think that. I just want her to be comfortable and not overdo anything while she is recovering.

  “What would you like? I’ll place the order,” she says as she dials the number.

  “Two orders of Thai dumplings and an order of shrimp Pad Thai.”

  She places the order and hands me back my phone. Her hand brushes lightly against mine, causing a zing to punch right through me. I quickly move away from her.

  “I’d like to eat downstairs if you don’t mind.”

  Where’s that coming from? Does she think she is confined to this room?

  “I thought maybe we would eat in the bathroom,” I tease.

  “Smartass.” She laughs back at me.

  I find myself laughing with her. I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this. So…freely.

  My driver brings our dinner back to us, and we sit on the floor in the living room, eating out of the to-go boxes. She tastes my Thai dumplings, and I taste her spring rolls.

  “So, how would you like to be my business manager?” She stops chewing her food and looks at me like I have just grown a horn out of my forehead. “Why are you looking at me like that, Robyn? It’s a serious question.”

  “You don’t even know me, and you want me to manage your career and finances?” She seems shocked.

  “I know what I need to know about you.”

  “What, that I’m Maddie’s sister?”

  “This has nothing to do with you being Maddie’s sister. I want a new manager, and you have an MBA.” I shrug. “Seems pretty clear to me.”

  Robyn sits quietly, looking at me. I can see she is pondering the idea in her head. I continue eating my food, waiting for her to respond to me.

  “What does being your manager entail—exactly?”

  “You would run my day-to-day life, set up interviews that need to be done, live here with me, keep me out of any trouble if my actions land me there, travel with me wherever—”

  “Wait a minute,” she interrupts. “Live here with you? I don’t see Rich, or whatever his name is, living here with you.”

  “I want you to live here with me. It will be easier to manage me.” I smirk.

  “So, you want a babysitter?”

  “Maybe if I’d have gotten a babysitter years ago, I wouldn’t be the fuckup I am today.” I’m so drawn to Robyn. Her laugh is infectious. I feel at ease with her. But at the flip of a switch, here they come, the demons to remind me I’m broken.

  “I’m no expert, but the day you forgive yourself is the day you can begin to live.” Reaching across the distance between us, she strokes my hand. “Try it. What do you have to lose?”

  “Babysit me.” I hold her hand in mine. The warmth in her touch is foreign to me. But at the same time, it is as if I can feel something inside of me softening.

  Eleven

  Tommy

  The last six months have definitely been a roller coaster for me. Robyn accepted my job offer the day after we shared our first dinner together. Rich definitely wasn’t happy that I shit-canned his sorry ass. After Demon’s Wings fired him, then OtherWorld followed suit, I was the only big name he had left. And honestly, I’m tired of the road. I haven’t done a lot of concerts in recent years, maybe five a year, but I’m finished. Once I complete the final three for this year, it’s time to put this part of my life behind me.

  I don’t need the money. I have more than I know what to do with at this point. I don’t have any heirs to leave it to. I made sure of that. My only daughter hates me now more than she did at sixteen.

  Robyn has been doing a great job managing—or, as she calls it, babysitting—me. She’s confirmed my final concert dates. Which she has agreed to come along to. Three weeks, three cities, three shows.

  With each passing day, our bond is growing deeper. It’s an almost surreal feeling. I never thought I could feel anything but pain and regret without the help of booze. Robyn helps me face the demons inside me, one by one. I’m learning how to forgive myself for all the fucked-up shit I’ve done and have put people through
.

  I find myself baring my soul to her randomly. She has a way of drawing it out of me. I may have saved her life that day in the middle of the street, but she is saving my life day by day.

  I haven’t had so much as a sip of bourbon. At first, I substituted wine so I could still have that alcohol pain medication for my soul. But I don’t even need the wine now. Sober life is pretty fucking cool.

  I still struggle with how much she looks like Maddie, but she is definitely not Maddie. Other than her physical appearance, nothing about her reminds me of Maddie. She is so fucking confident, it’s sexy. It pours off her. You can’t help but believe in yourself when you are in her presence.

  She can command a room like no other. When we announced to the label execs that these upcoming concerts are my last, they lost their shit. Not enough notice was the popular phrase in the room. Robyn settled them all down when she laid out her plan to almost triple our projected sales for those three shows.

  Shit, I was even impressed when she showed it all to me. That woman is one of the smartest I’ve ever met. I bet she would give Emmie Armstrong a run for her money. If I hadn’t ruined my friendship with Jesse, and subsequently Nik, Drake, and Shane, Robyn and Emmie would have made one helluva team in the rock ’n’ roll world.

  “Tommy.” Robyn pulls me out of my thoughts as I turn to watch her walk into my office. She’s wearing a pair of ripped jeans, combat boots, and one of my old tour T-shirts, with her auburn hair pulled back into a tight ponytail.

  “I’m finalizing the shopping list with Grace. Do you want to look at it?” She knows I don’t want to look at it. But just like I do, she seeks reasons for us to interact. She asks me the same thing every week, and every week I give the same response.

  “I’m sure it’s good.” Which makes her laugh because she knows I don’t want to look at it.

  “Ya know, one of these weeks, there is going to be nothing but sushi, sardines, and Sunny Delight on this list. Then, what are you going to do?”

  “Have my babysitter order takeout for me.” I laugh. “But I bet Grace could take all those ingredients and make an excellent meal out of them.” Which is an understatement. Grace can cook better than any of those stupid celebrity chefs I’ve seen on television.

  “Not sure I’m ready to find out if that’s true.”

  “Then don’t fuck up the list,” I say with a huge shit-eating grin.

  “I’m going to go to the store with Grace this week.”

  “Take one of the guys with you, then,” I say with a shrug.

  “I don’t need a bodyguard.” She mock glares at me.

  “I want one of them with you. This isn’t San Antonio, where everyone knows one another.”

  “Fine.” She huffs before turning to leave. It’s such a cute little sound, I can’t help but grin. “I’ll be back later,” she calls over her shoulder.

  I’m trying really hard not to fuck this up. I don’t want to scare her off. Shit, I’m doing my best not to spook myself. I’m in unknown territory. I’ve only loved one person in my whole life. What I feel for Robyn doesn’t feel like what I felt for Maddie, but it has some similar aspects, only stronger.

  I can’t stand to be away from her. I worry about her when she isn’t with me. I feel so much pride watching her work. Fucking hell, I’ve been turned into one of those wussy men.

  But I don’t want it to end. I don’t want it to stop. I admit, there are times when it scares the hell out of me. But it’s like a drug that is more powerful and addictive than anything I’ve ever smoked or snorted in my life. A drug I never knew I wanted to make me feel like this.

  I am deep in thought when an alert goes off on my phone. I pick it up, only to sway when I read the words, BREAKING NEWS: Pregnant Wife of Demon’s Wings Drummer, Jesse Thornton, Rushed to Hospital.

  Layla… My daughter is in trouble.

  My daughter…who hates me.

  Twelve

  Robyn

  I’ve really enjoyed my day, shopping with Grace, Tommy’s housekeeper. He hired her right after I was discharged from the hospital and came to stay with him. I don’t understand why he all of a sudden needed a housekeeper just because I came to stay—indefinitely, it appears—but I’m glad he hired her.

  I like Grace a lot, and really, other than Tommy, she is the only person I know. She’s older than me, probably midfifties, but I’ve never asked. I like her kind soul, and she is a spectacular chef. Tommy was right earlier when he said she could make an excellent meal out of sushi, sardines, and Sunny Delight.

  “You’re an amazing cook, Grace,” I say as we are exiting the store. “Did you ever consider working in one of those fancy restaurants?”

  “No, not for a second. I cook because I love to, not because I have to.” She shrugs. “Besides, I’m not sure I could handle all the egos in some of those kitchens. I’ve watched those cooking competitions. Some of those celebrity restaurant chefs act like children.”

  “That makes sense.”

  We continue loading the groceries into the SUV and climb into the back. Steve drives us home, where he and the other henchmen, as I call them, unload the groceries into the house.

  As I walk past Tommy’s office, I see him stumbling over the chair in front of his desk. I stop in the doorway before rushing in to see what is wrong with him. Then he turns slightly, and I see the bottle of bourbon in his hand.

  I feel my heart constrict at the sight. I push past that feeling and walk up to him, rubbing his arm.

  “Tommy, are you okay?”

  He stumbles back, and I do my best to steady him. My 5’7” to his 6’2” is an off-balanced match in this instance.

  “No,” he slurs. “No, I’m not okay. I’m a fuckup.”

  “You’re not a fuckup,” I instantly argue, hating that he’s putting himself down. “You’ve done fucked-up things. There’s a difference.”

  “That’s easy to say when you haven’t done what I’ve done. My demons are huge.”

  I look at the bottle in his hand that he is about to take another swig from to see it’s three-quarters empty. What the hell happened in the two and a half hours I was gone, I wonder.

  “C’mon, let’s get you to the couch.” I maneuver his arm over my shoulders and grab him around the waist. During my attempt to move him, he stumbles, causing us to topple to the ground. He manages in his drunken glory to shift us, so I land on top of him instead of under him.

  As I stare into his chocolate-brown eyes, my heart constricts again. I just want to take all of his pain away. I didn’t come here to fall in love with him—but that is exactly what I’ve done.

  I’m not even sure if that breaks the sister code. I never met Maddie, but she is still my sister. I guess if it weren’t for our parents losing her, I wouldn’t be here. Tommy lost her too. I’m not sure he will ever look at me and not see her.

  And it breaks my heart a little every day just thinking about it.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers as he runs his fingers down my cheek.

  I don’t want this to happen like this, while he is drunk out of his mind. But I don’t want to reject him and cause a more drastic reaction. He is spiraling pretty hard right now. I can see it in his eyes.

  “You’re not so bad-looking yourself.” I don’t know what else to say. For the first time in a very long time, I am at a loss for words.

  “I’ve waited for you for so long. I’ve done some really fucked-up things to people. Even to myself.”

  “You have to forgive yourself.” I shift so I am sitting straddled across his stomach. “What happened while I was gone?”

  “I was reminded of my most favorite fuckup.” He breathes out a harsh sigh. “Layla, my daughter, is in the hospital with complications to her pregnancy.”

  “So, grabbing the bourbon was the answer?” I take his face in my hands. “Let’s get you upstairs. I’ll go get one of your henchmen to help.”

  As I try to get up, he grabs the back of my head and pull
s me into a deep kiss. After a brief pause, I open my mouth for him. He kisses me deeper, our tongues dancing together in sync.

  “Ah, Maddie,” he breathes into my mouth, and I freeze, my heart shattering into a million pieces in my chest.

  I break free from him and push myself up to my feet, running out of his office as fast as my feet will carry me. Tears stream down my face as I make my way to my room. I shut the door and lock it behind me.

  Every fear I’ve pushed away comes back at me tenfold. He will never see me for me…only as Maddie.

  I don’t know how many hours I lie in bed sobbing uncontrollably, when I hear a knock at the door. “Miss Robyn, sweetie, can I come in?” I hear Grace ask from the other side.

  I get up and unlock the door so she can come in.

  “Mr. Kirkman asked me to come check on you.”

  “Mr. Kirkman can go to hell,” I retort, not meaning to take my anger out on her. “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

  “Come here and sit with me. I can see that whatever happened has caused you a lot of pain.” She moves to the bay window and pats the spot next to her.

  Grace is easy to talk to. She is comforting like a mother, considering she has no children of her own.

  “I thought Tommy was starting to see me for who I am and not my sister, Maddie.” I continue to sob, sitting next to her. She places her arm around me and pulls me into her. I rest my head on her shoulder and let her embrace comfort me. “He’ll never see me for me.”

  “Sweetie, have you ever heard the saying two steps forward, three steps back?”

  “Of course,” I hiccup.

  “That man downstairs has it bad for you. You—not your sister. Anyone can see it.”

  “He called me Maddie when he was kissing me,” I recall, feeling my heart shatter again at the memory.

  “He’s also had a lot to drink, which is not an excuse, but I think he deserves some leeway.”